To
remind participants about the purpose and spirit of
the dialogue.
To
say something about roles, timings, breaks and format
etc.
Welcome
and restatement of purpose
Say something like
"Welcome. I'm glad that you decided to participate
in this conversation about trust. It's likely that each
of us has many different views, ideas and opinions about
the subject. I hope this will be a time when you'll
feel fully welcome to speak about your experiences and
your views and when you can commit to listening to each
other with resilience even when what you hear upsets
you. By taking in different views, we may leave with
richer and wider perspectives. At least we will understand
each other better."
Process
and ending time
Say something like
"Let me tell you a little bit about the flow of
the conversation. We'll begin by making some agreements
on some communication guidelines for our time together.
Then we'll have a quick round in which you can say something
about why you've come or what you hope for.
Next
we'll have another round in which you can respond to
a question that I will pose. Following the go-rounds,
we'll have at least about 45 mins for less structured
conversation in which you can explore connections among
your experiences and perspectives.
Those
connections might take the form of one person asking
another person a question. Or they might take the form
of simply noting similarities and differences and exploring
them a bit further.
Finally,
we'll take time at the end for each of you to say some
parting words. We'll aim to end by (time). Can everyone
stay until then?" If people have to leave early,
determine how they will leave (e.g., by sayinga few
parting words or by just getting up to leave quietly)
and how you will get their comments on the experience.
Pens
and paper
Say something like "I have made pens and paper
available so that you can jot down notes. The pads can
help you to listen by giving you a place to note the
thoughts that come to you as others are speaking so
you can readily return your full attention to listening.
The pads also can support making connections if you
use them to jot down themes, differences, or similarities
or questions that you may want to explore further."
Your
role
Say something like "I will guide us through the
conversation and ensure that whatever agreements we
make with each other are either followed or renegotiated.
If I've asked you to speak no more than 3 minutes and
you've gone over that time, I'll let you know. Also,
if at any point you have concerns about how things are
going, let me know and we'll work out how to address
those concerns together."
AGREEMENTS
10 minutes
Purpose:
To craft a set of communication agreements that everyone
understands and agrees to that will serve the purposes
of the dialogue. "Now let's make some agreements
about how we will talk together.
Give the group a few minutes to think about what is
important for them, then in pairs ask them to come up
with 3 guidelines for good conversation. Ask each pair
to form a group of four and get them to distill their
6 guidelines into 3. Listen to the 3 final guidelines
from each group of four and give them a few minutes
to negotiate the top 3 guidelines to be adopted by the
whole group.
Or
use the suggestions below. Thes can be printed as a
handout and given to participants for consideration.
If thery are agreed than they can be adopted by the
group. Some amendments may be suggested and if this
again is agreeable then these changes should be noted
and the agreement reached.
Regarding
the spirit of our speaking and listening,
1) We will speak for ourselves and from our own experience.
2) We will not criticise the views of other participants
or attempt to persuade them.
3) We will listen even when what is said is hard to
hear.
Regarding
the form of our speaking and listening,
4) We will participate within the time frames suggested
by the facilitator.
5) We will not interrupt except to indicate that we
cannot hear a speaker.
6) We will "pass" if we do not wish to speak.
HOPES
10 minutes
Purpose:
To create a shared understanding of people's hopes for
the dialogue, what they bring to it and/or what they
hope to experience during it.
Say something like: "Let's start by going around
and saying …"
(Facilitator chooses one or two of the following)
• what led you to decide to accept the invitation
to join this 'Difficult Conversation'?.
-or-
·• what do you hope to experience or learn
while you are here?
-or-
• what could happen during this conversation that
would lead you to feel glad that you decided to participate?
"Please
say just a few sentences-not more than a minute. I'll
start, then we'll go around." (As the first speaker,
you can model brevity with a twosentence response.)
FIRST
QUESTION
20 minutes (Time for each response: 3 minutes)
Purpose:
To invite participants to connect their responses to
the theme - TRUST with their personal experience.
"Now,
I'd like to invite you to take up to 3 minutes to respond
to the following set of questions:"
(Facilitator chooses one set of questions)
In
the article (name of piece), Derek Poole says that trust…
"is as fragile as a body in a car crash and just
as vulnerable to terminal damage." Reflecting on
your experiences of being trusted or trust being betrayed;
how do you respond to this statement?
-or-
If you have to tell a non-english speaker what 'trust'
means, how would you explain it?
"First,
let's take a moment of silence to collect our thoughts."
After
a pause, repeat the questions.
"Anyone can start when he or she is ready. Then
we'll go around. If we get to you before you are ready,
you can pass and I'll check in with you later to see
if you'd like to speak."
Optional:
"Remember to jot down key phrases, themes or connections
to explore later."
FACILITATED
CONVERSATION
45 minutes
Purpose
To allow participants to have a more interactive discussion
that makes connections among others' thoughts and feelings
and their own.
Tone-setting comments
"As we move into a different level of conversation,
it's important to remember why we are here: not to debate
or persuade but to speak with sincerity, to listen with
open heartedness and, to reflect on our own views, and
to seek understanding of other views."
Read
and/or have the following written on a handout.
"We recommend four ways to connect what is on your
mind to something others have said. You can identify
and pursue a theme, explore similarities and dissimilarities,
ask questions, or comment on how what you've heard has
been enriching or, perhaps, unsettling."
CONTRIBUTING TO A CONNECTED CONVERSATION
Note
a point of learning or enrichment
Have you heard something that stirred fresh thoughts
or feelings?
Pick
up and weave a thread
Has an interesting theme or idea emerged that you'd
like to add to?
Clarify
differences
Have you heard something you disagreed with? If so,
first check to see if you understood it correctly.
Then say what was unsettling to you about what you
heard and why.
Ask
a question fueled by genuine curiosity
Is there something someone said that you'd like to
understand better?
If you ask a question, be sure it reflects genuine
curiosity and is not a challenge in disguise.
CONVERSATION
QUESTIONS…
Depending on your confidence, the group and time available;
use all or select relevant questions from those listed
below.
Trust
is the glue that holds relationships and societies together,
it is assumed as a natural part of our life together.
When trust is betrayed, under what conditions or circimstances
can it it repaired or restored?
Can
all broken relationships be restored?
As
Christians we believe that trust is an attribute of
love and therefore indispensable to faith, but what
does that mean when friends, neighbours, partners, colleagues
become our "enemies" and trust is lost?
As
Christians, what can we do to resist the urge 'to distance
ourselves from the source of our deepest hurt and to
disassociate from their wrong-doing'?
In
the psychology of hurt, the distance we create between
ourselves and the one who has betrayed our trust is
significantly motivated by the instinct to survive,
at least until we find the possibility of healing. It
is what Freud called a "protective shield".
What do you do to create a "protective shield"?
What "protective shields" do we create as
a society?
Christians
are to pray for the forgiveness of "our sins as
we forgive those who have sinned against us." What
does this have to say to us at this point in our history
as we move towards a 'shared future'? How can we learn
to love our 'enemies'?
What
do we as Christians need to do to remember our past
- how should we speak about with our children? Should
we let the memory of it fade? Stanley Hauerwas speaks
of a "redemptive remembering" - what does
this mean to you?
NOTE:
These questions are difficult to answer, you may find
your first question is enough. Please resist the urge
to move on if people have identified something that
deeply matters to them. Also the questions should be
handled sensitively. Statistics confirm that many people
in Northern Ireland have been directly affected by the
violence of the 'troubles' and it may be that this conversation
awakens hurt and pain. Try to resist the urge to 'fix'
their emotion if it is expressed. Rather ask them what
would be helpful for them - it may be a good moment
to have a break.
PARTING
WORDS
15 minutes
Purposes
• To encourage reflection about what participants
learned or valued.
• To invite participants to say something that
will bring their participation to a meaningful close.
"Our
time here is coming to an end. Are there any parting
words that you'd like to say to bring your participation
to a close? "You may want to simply comment on
what the experience has been like for you. Or you may
want to mention…"
(Facilitator
chooses one of the following)
• one idea, feeling, commitment or promising question
that you are taking with you.
-or-
• one thing you want to remember about this conversation-about
its content or about what it felt like to use the guidelines
and format.
-or-
• something about what came up for you here that
you may want to share with a friend, neighbor, or co-worker,
or take out into your life in some other way.
After
hearing from all who wish to speak, as facilitator,
you
• thank participants and elicit feedback. Indicate
that both you and the staff at the Centre would like
to learn from their feedback. You can do this formally
with a handout or verbally.
