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Review: Religion, Identity and Politics in Northern Ireland: Boundaries of Belonging and Belief
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Difficult Conversations
Peace and Reconciliation in a Plural Society
Lynda Gould

New Resource
The Theological Grounds for Advocating Forgiveness and Reconciliation in the Socio-political Realm

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In this introduction to what will become a regular feature in Lion&Lamb entitled ‘Difficult Conversations’, Lynda Gould explores the value of human conversation and why, in particular, difficult conversations about the things which matter most in our lives need to happen.

DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS
Peace and Reconciliation in a Plural Society
LYNDA GOULD

“HUMAN CONVERSATION is the most ancient and easiest way to cultivate the conditions for change – personal change, community and organisational change, planetary change. If we can sit together and talk about what is important to us, we begin to come alive.” (Margaret Wheatley; Turning to one another).

Could it be possible that we could change the world by listening to one another again? Simple, honest, human conversation. Not negotiation, problem solving or debate, but time for truthful conversation where we have a chance to speak and feel heard.

In Northern Ireland we have relied on words to hold the boundaries between us. Words have devalued, stereotyped, and demonised. Words have generated loyalties to viewpoints and denounced opposing perspectives. Words have ruptured communities and diminished the possibility of positive options for living and working together. In our worlds of words, I wonder if we have fully understood the power of conversation?

Dialogue, however, can be a transformative force because it goes directly to the ground where protracted conflict begins. If we explore the meanings behind the words, we encourage people to articulate and understand their own and others’ values, identities, and relationships, creating openings for civility and respectful coexistence. As a result, new ground is created, where people can learn to work respectfully and constructively with differences.

The ‘Difficult Conversations’ Programme is an integral part of Peace and Reconciliation in a Plural Society. We encourage and support groups, churches and organisations to have conversations about things that matter. We believe that good conversation has the power to bring people together and in the dance people find courage and hope for the future.

Difficult and costly?
Since the ceasefires, the Belfast Agreement, the establishing of an Assembly and then the suspension of devolved government have created a new set of questions for some people. Old assumptions have been challenged, and many are searching for new understanding. Some people remain confused and uncertain about what has been happening. Others have developed passionate views and are clear about what ought to be done.

In our context it can be very costly to share our thoughts. We risk being misunderstood or causing offence. So, sometimes it is easier to err on the side of silence. At the Centre we have become aware of Christians who have wanted to talk honestly about our current political impasse and the core issues that remain unresolved – truth, justice and forgiveness to name a few, but have found it difficult to do so.

With this in mind, we have developed ‘Difficult Conversations’ to make it easier for friends, families, small groups, prayer groups, organisations and congregations to share what they are thinking and feeling about the difficult issues and dilemmas we are facing. We also want to make space for conversation that is different or surprising to the old conversations we have been having.

What Do We Mean by ‘Difficult Conversations’?
For the Centre for Contemporary Christianity in Ireland (CCCI), a ‘Difficult Conversation’ is any conversation that is animated by a search for understanding rather than for agreements or solutions.

A ‘Difficult Conversation’ offers those who participate the opportunity to:

• listen and be listened to so that all speakers can be heard
• speak and be spoken to in a respectful manner
• develop or deepen mutual understanding
• learn about the perspectives of others and reflect on one’s own views.

Having a ‘Difficult Conversation’…
What we do is more formal than ‘ordinary’ good conversations – more explicit about its purpose and spirit, and more organised. We ask people to observe communication guidelines that foster an exploratory, respectful, and compassionate spirit. We suggest and can provide a facilitator, whose main responsibilities are to welcome people and orient them to the event and its purpose. Then there is a need to get agreement on a set of guidelines that keep the conversation ‘safe’ for participants. As with every engagement with others, it’s easy to forget the frameworks for the conversation and the agreements, so the facilitator reminds people about their agreements if they forget them, and then moves the group through the conversation, keeping an eye on time.

Using the time well
Time is one of the precious, invisible ingredients. We structure the conversation and manage the process of conversing so that the conversation has a solid beginning, a long enough middle, and a satisfying end within the time available; and we ensure that all participants have an equal opportunity to be heard, and that the dialogue is free from the ‘domination’ or disproportionate verbosity of its members.

We follow a PLAN
We have modelled our ‘Difficult Conversations’ programme by adapting a proven format from The Public Conversations Project – Guide to Family Dialogue; simply because it works. More details about PCP are available from their website: www.publicconversations.org.

The PLAN looks like this…

Note: Times indicated are for a small group of participants; more time is needed for large groups.

The ‘Difficult Conversations’ Programme has been working well for groups, churches and organisations. During the past 12 months we have helped people talk about forgiveness, prayer, our traditions of marching, loyalism, Communion and the Eucharist. We are available to come and facilitate a conversation for you, simply contact Lynda Gould by phone 028 9032 5258 or email lynda.gould@contemporarychristianity.org.

Currently we are working on a resource that will help you to start your own ‘Difficult Conversation’ with your family, a group of friends or your home or small group, or your congregation. We are also developing the potential for others to initiate conversations through a regular ‘Lift & Use’ feature in Lion&Lamb. However, if you would like to begin a ‘Difficult Conversation’ with family or friends today; then look for our introductory resource on the website which offers a range of open questions to get a conversation going. Let us know how you get on!

You can find the materials referred to at www.contemporarychristianity.org/resources/programmeresources.htm

LYNDA GOULD is Programme Director at the Centre for Contemporary Christianity in Ireland.

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